How To: Play With Yourself


One of the biggest life concerns for me is the lack of playthings I have. I have been known to get bored of my toys (and I have plenty) fairly quickly and would throw a fit if I don't quickly get a new toy to play with. Sure I sound like a spoiled brat, but I love toys. I bawled like a little kid watching all three Toy Stories, and often find myself wishing for a toy that would go on adventures with me. But because I can't seem to find one that comes alive, I find myself continuously searching and searching.

This issue is increasingly getting out of hand, and coupled with the fact that my mom is refusing to buy me more toys; "You're 23 years old.", "Get a job and out of my house.", I have decided to take things into my own hands. Not by buying more toys for myself, no sireebob. I don't have that kinda money. No, I have devised a genius, foolproof idea.

Behold. I have created myself.

There is nothing more exciting than playing with myself. In fact, to be able to play with myself is basically stroking my ego until I come to a point where I lose grip of reality. To stand myself up and to release all the pent up thoughts through a paper doll, that's an amazing feeling of accomplishment and fulfillment. That's how much fun I have playing with myself.

Here's how YOU can play with me. Well, a doll sized version of me. Close enough, right?

You'll need: A pair of scissors, a color printer, a lot of free time and not much dignity. You are playing with a paper doll of me after all.

Step 1: Download the blog header from this link here: You can go onto the Internet and find a dress or something to put on me too. Y'know, if you're into crossdressing or cosplay.

Step 2: Print out your pictures, preferably in color. Because while I am colorblind, I am nothing without color.

Step 3: Cut out all the individual pieces carefully. Make sure you don't accidentally cut off my head, or leave me with a tear on my arm. Also make sure that you cut out all the pieces of clothing, because I prefer to be clothed than naked. Unless you're into that kind of kinky thing, in which case, please email me.

Note: If you are a little kid, please remember to ask your parents to help you. Also, tell them that they really need to find you new hobbies.

Step 4: Make sure you have cut out everything you need. There are plenty of small pieces and children below the age of 10 should not ever come close to even touching this paper doll. They won't choke, but it's gonna leave them with a traumatized future.

It should look something like this:

Be careful of small parts. 

Step 5: With the use of an adhesive (stick glue or magic), carefully paste the pieces of clothing onto the semi-naked me. Don't worry if anything is ill-fitting. It only serves to give you a sense of reality.

Step 6: Time to show off your brand new Joel Wong Running Man paper doll to all your friends and family members. Warning: They may not want to ever keep in contact with you ever again. Caution is advised.

Of course, you can also opt to play with me in a different way. Like here, I have myself staring at a picture of me. If vanity had a face, it would be manifested in this picture.

And here, I have myself reading my blog, which has multiple pictures of me. I should be locked up for crimes against the ego.

I'm taking a picture of me reading my own blog which has pictures of me. Vainception.

Anyway, have fun making and playing with me. The Joel Wong paper doll promises you hours and hours of fun, which is inclusive of the hours and hours you took to make the doll. Sorry people, no refunds.


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