But here's the thing about getting fat. You don't know you're getting fat until you're already fat. Sure, a few passing remarks by the people who see you often; "Wow looking rounder these days", "Someone's been having a very itchy mouth lately", "Holy smackerel! you're fat now!", but these are comments that a person who doesn't know what it's like to gain weight will never understand.

You know, just like me.

I've never believed in karma. Now, it's difficult to not believe in the concept. I've made fun of my friends plenty in the past; making fun of their weight, their fear of eating too much, their worry about getting "fat". I've laughed the hardest at people who had the most pained expressions when faced with a moist chocolate cake. I've stuffed my mouth full in front of friends who opted for the salad over the juicy piece of steak. I've asked people, with an almost haughty tone of voice, "What is fats?"

But this isn't one of those "Oh, I'm so sad because I'm single and I always have to lightbulb my friends" kind of posts. Nope, this post is going to be informative and helpful to those of you who may be going through the same thing. Because when you're a lightbulb, the last thing you need is to feel sorry for yourself. Believe me when I say I know exactly what I'm talking about.

So here are a few tips for you lightbulbs out there, to show people that our lifestyle is by choice, and not because Becky turned around and FFK-ed our date and Becky could have prevented this BECAUSE I HAVE FEELINGS TOO BECKY.

I digress.

#5 Turn yourself on


Don't be that guy who sits quietly in the background while the happy couple is romancing each other. Instead, try to join in the conversation. Talk to your friend's other half, engage them in meaningful talk and just be sociable. Your friend and their partner will appreciate you for the effort you're making.


#4 Know your boundaries


Being friendly is one thing. Being creepy is a whole other ballgame. Don't overdo your friendliness and make your friend jealous because of the attention you're showering on their other half. Plus, and this is true, if you're getting a little too close for comfort, you may even risk losing your friendship.


Take things slow, know your boundaries. Light only travels so far. Stick to that.

#3 Learn all you can


Being the lightbulb lets you see things that normal single people don't. You're so involved in  your friend's relationship with his significant other that you will undoubtedly learn something new, something that you can use for when you have a significant other yourself. There's a reason we all go to school, right?


Take this time with your couple friends as a relationship class, and you'll graduate with flying colors when you step out into the real world of dating.

#2 Do anything you want


When you're lightbulbing a couple, the best thing you can possibly do for yourself is to be completely yourself. There isn't anyone who can tell you not to have that 5th helping of ice cream, or dragging you to see cosmetic products even when you don't know the difference between eyeliner and mascara. You can do whatever you want...just, alone.


Yeah.

#1 Keep telling yourself that you'll find The One some day


Yup. Just keep...telling yourself...that someone...will be there for...you. But not you Becky. Anyone but you. You can go suck a lemon.

I'm going to cry in a corner now. You other lightbulbs are welcome to join me.

Cheerios!

Since the beginning of this year, I began to share a couple of my dad's top burns on Facebook, and the response has varied from shock, surprise and to even skepticism. While my dad has slowed down considerably in the past few months, he is still reveling in the intense fanbase he seems to have garnered from his "fans". This is mostly because the subject of said burns is me, and we all know how I'm the perfect target. But the level of wit and skill in which my dad dispatches his burns has indeed received much praise and laughter. And believe me, all I did was polish up his sentences before posting it. Every single burn comes straight from his mouth, or from his fingers. Some literally come straight from him.

Come and get it.

It's small but I'd take it. 

This is a complete lie.