5 Stages of Turning 30


It starts without warning. Suddenly, your breath becomes labored every time you go up a flight of stairs. You take more frequent afternoon naps, not because you can, but because you're actually need to. TikTok isn't just a song by Ke$ha anymore. You actually go home before 9pm not because of a curfew, but because you just absolutely cannot anymore.

And that's how it start. The fatigue, the weariness, the feeling of distress that turns young men...thirty.

If you have experienced any of the above symptoms, you might just be me. Over the past 2 years or so, I began a transformation that many people are absolutely perplexed about; I became old. Sure, my face is still that of a prepubescent boy, but I can no longer keep up with them young un's anymore. My body is wracked with cracks and aches. Those healthy exercise sessions make me want to die. I don't know how to use TikTok.

But here's the thing about turning 30. You don't actually realize it until it's already too late. You hear many people say "I remember when I was 25 just like it was yesterday." That's not an exaggeration. That's the absolute truth. Here's another: People born in 2000 are 20 years old. Just yesterday, you may not have thought about it, but today that realization hits you like a ton of bricks. 

I get people telling me: "But you're still so young.", or "How dare you say you're old!" but these are comments that a person who has already turned 30 will tell you. 

Y'know, just like me when I participated in an indoor exercise session. 

Eh, I'll just grow old.


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