My (Brief) Time At The Zombie Run


Last weekend could be the epitome of what I wouldn't want a weekend to be. It was partially my own fault, because a little voice in my head told me it was a good idea to join in 2 runs in a single weekend. Not that I regretted a single moment of it though. It was an unforgettable, crazy experience that I will probably not want to go through again...well, maybe until my leg heals up.

But among the 2 runs, the memory of the Zombie Run stuck with me the longest. Until now, I still have nightmares about being chased by killer zombies. Here are 8 things I learned from participating in my first ever zombie run.

#8 The zombies will win

If a zombie apocalypse does happen for reals (and I have no doubt that it will), I will be the first in line to offer my body to the zombie cause. There is no winning against the undead. The last stretch of the run was an entire field completely dominated with zombies. I was already out at this point (technically a zombie already), so it didn't matter to me. But the fact remained that there were more zombies than human survivors. And if life has taught me anything, it's to go with the majority.

#7 There are no slow zombies

Almost all the pre-Zombie Run material said that there would be different kinds of zombies; the slower Stumblers and the fast Chasers. I found out that this wasn't the case because none of the zombies stumbled around, but went for me like teen girls running in One Direction (sorry). Zombies aren't the slow-witted and lumbering kinds, no sir. Zombies are the ones who will rush towards you with the speed of the undead, which I can tell you is pretty damn fast.

#6 Isotonic drinks are useless 

Come and get it.

Here's something to try out. Try running with all your might until you get lightheaded and dizzy, then gulp down a can of any isotonic drink you can find. If you're anything like me, the mixture of both these elements will cause you to retch uncontrollably. And then the zombies will kill you and you will go from lightheaded to no headed.

#5 Weapons are necessary for survival

It's small but I'd take it. 

This may seem like one of those "duhhh" statements, but I realized how important it is to have that shovel in your hand when a real zombie apocalypse hits. The zombie run doesn't allow for any physical contact with the zombies, which isn't good advice when a swarm of zombies are surrounding you. While dodging and evading zombies is all fun, it saps up precious energy needed to outrun said zombies. Without weapons or the permission to even push zombies away, survival was almost impossible. What I would have done to have at least a water gun in my hands, just so I could feel a little bit safer.

#4 Mother Nature is a b*tch

In a zombie apocalypse, the main enemy will be Mother Nature. A zombie outbreak is probably a form of Mother Nature taking her revenge, sort of like a giant middle finger to the humans who have been deflowering (sorry) nature. During the Zombie Run, the terrain was equivalent to a adolescent teen's face; there were so many holes that the "field" we were running on should have legally been renamed as such. The ground was so uneven that I saw a guy trip and take a barrel to the face, and that isn't even a joke because he seriously slammed face first into a metal barrel prop.

You know Mother Nature isn't playing around when she uses man-made items to hurt us.

#3 Teamwork is vital 

There is a reason the zombie run required us to have 3 other team mates; it's literally impossible to survive alone. This also means that there will be team mates who have to die in order for the others to survive. It's a harsh and cruel world out there in a zombie apocalypse. My team died pretty quickly because we had no teamwork at all and we were all just running for our lives. Literally.

#2 The power of the Chup*

Most Malaysians know the basic concept of chup; or the act of pausing time, for all you non-Malaysian readers. Hell, even the zombies knew and respected the chup. I suffered a minor cramp while avoiding a pothole and a lunging zombie (see #3 Mother Nature is a b*itch) and couldn't move for a long time. I immediately lifted my hand and did the chup sign and the zombie chasing me just stopped, scratched her gnarled head and walked away. The power of the chup in a zombie apocalypse is overwhelming*.

*Note: This only applies to Malaysian zombies. 

#1 Zombies will freaking win

What? Have I mentioned this before? Oh yeah, waaaaay up there. Well, this is a warning. The zombies will freaking win. There is no escaping or surviving a zombie apocalypse. Here's a fun fact: my wave had about 80-90 people in it. Only 2 people survived the 1km zombie run. TWO FREAKING PEOPLE out of almost a hundred. One of the survivors used his classmates (a whole freaking class of about 30+ people) as his "peace" offerings to the zombies for a safe passage, that is to say, he surrounded himself with friends and sacrificed them like lambs for the slaughter. There is no winning in a zombie apocalypse. Zilch.

And on that depressing note...

This is a complete lie.


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