In Between


I posted this picture on my Instagram as I was stuck in a horrific jam (aren't they always?) back home from the office. At that moment, this picture was just something the silly kid in me decided to take because the lady in the car to my right was smoking up a storm and I wanted to emulate her. It was also mostly because I was bored.

But while deciding on a caption, my mind suddenly jumped on a crazy thought train. I finally typed out "In Between", which probably made me sound all mysterious and deep. Not many people appreciated a picture like this; my parents gave me a lecture because they legit thought I was smoking. My friends mostly were unimpressed because I was trying to be all "cool" and "hipster" sounding. The lady blowing smoke rings into the air in the car beside me wasn't too happy because it looked like I was making fun of her. The police probably was happy because I was obviously breaking laws and they'll probably fine me for something.

The thought train I was stuck on quickly took a detour into the land of "Overanalysing". 

I was stuck in between cars in traffic. 
This was the first and most obvious stop for the thought train. I was stuck in traffic, in between all the cars and motorcycles that zoom past my window and make me fear for their safety. 

I was holding a chocolate stick in between my fingers. 
The second stop was something a bit more out of place. Mostly because I had already chomped on that small piece of my chocolate stick. But for that moment, I was holding a chocolate stick in between my fingers like a boss. When I was a kid, I used to pretend that I was an adult by "smoking" these chocolate sticks. Everyone my age back then who held a chocolate stick in between their grubby little fingers did that. I am not shy to admit that I still do it now. 

I was playing out a role in between a kid and an adult. 
The lady beside me was still smoking her lungs out all throughout the traffic jam. I was holding a stick of chocolate and pretending to smoke. Like I said earlier, I was replaying a moment of my childhood, a moment where everything was stress-free and nothing really mattered except trying to reinact being an adult. A time where I didn't have to be stuck in rush hour traffic jams, rushing deadlines and so many other things that the kid that was me didn't know adults did. 

I was stuck in between a transition stage.
I began my foray into the working world about a month ago. Before this, life was all about assignments, what the latest movies were, and the most difficult question I had to face was about where to have lunch or dinner with my friends. Now, it's all about steady working hours, deadlines and being a responsible adult. I've been sleeping early and waking even earlier. There are no more issues of sleeping at 3AM because I "felt like it". I have to come to the realization that I'm not a kid anymore. I have to start getting used to shouldering responsibilities, and start being an adult. I can't be holding a chocolate stick in between my fingers and pretending it's the coolest thing I've done forever. I'm in that stage now where I'm trying to convince myself that this "adult" thing is really happening, but my inner kid is still trying to have the most fun wherever. 

It was at this point that the though train ended and I was left at the last station. There wasn't much else to analyse, because there never really was anything to analyse in the first place. It was just a picture of a chocolate stick in between my fingers. Which somehow boiled into a philosophical mind trip into the joys and sorrows of growing up. I know I'm in a difficult phase now, trying to reconcile the adult and kid in me, but I'm trying my best to do something which will benefit both. 

Or maybe I'll keep pretending I don't know what's going on and just keep eating my chocolate sticks. 


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