11 of the Mommiest Things My Mom Has Said


My mom, like any other mother in this world, loves to give her two cents on almost anything in this world. In fact, if she paid me two cents for every time she spoke her mind, I would now be rich enough to buy one of those money bins that Scrooge McDuck has. So for her birthday (which is today mind you, so wish her in the comments!), I've decided to compile a short list of the best things my mom has said to me.

#11 No.

The answer to every single request I make.
"Can I go for this...""No."
"Can I buy this thing I really need...""No."
"Can I go out with my friends?""NO!"

#10 Because I said so, that's why.

...and the follow up answer for my follow-up question; "Why?"

#9 吃饭! (Cantonese: sek fan; literally: eat rice)

Her absolute favorite call for the family to gather at the table for dinner. It's like a siren, but more effective.

#8 Don't make me repeat myself.

A follow up to any request she makes, and through experience, you do NOT want her to repeat herself.

#7 Did you call uncle/auntie?

This happens too often, even now. Every time we meet a friend of theirs, or a long lost relative, she'll ask this question, multiple times, in front of that person. Because to her, I'm always 5 years old and mannerless. Also see, "Did you say thank you?"

#6 I've been young before once too.

Whenever I complain that she doesn't understand what we have to go through today. Then she'll ask me to help her "find the Google".

#5 Help me find the Google!

Yes, this is something she actually said. No, I did not know how to find the Google.

#4 我吃盐多过你吃饭 (Cantonese; literally: I eat salt more than you eat rice)

Her philosophy that her years of eating the "salt" of the earth has given her an added advantage over me. Yes, it really is that ridiculous.

#3 Where are you? (SMS)

The dreaded SMS that comes with every night out. I can just imagine her voice, dripping with venom and waiting to melt me into a puddle of nothingness.

#2 Don't talk into the fan, your voice will forever stay that way.

I believed this lie well up to my twenties, which was only recently debunked when I talked into a fan and realized nothing had happened to my voice.

#1 Go ask dad.

Whenever she wants you to feel double the pain of rejection.

So yes, this birthday is probably going to end with me dying in some horrific way, knowing how much my mom actually wanted me to write her a blog post for her birthday. I love you mommy, so please spare my life. Happy 25th birthday, mommy!


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