How I Lost My First Love


Dear you,

After a long time, I'm finally sitting down to write you this post. I've wrestled with whether or not I should even put this into words, an everlasting remembrance on the wide sea that is the Internet. Every letter typed is like a jackhammer to my heart; it hurts. It hurts to remember what we were, and what we could have been.

Maybe it was my fault. I do admit that I have drifted apart from you. Adulthood can do that, and with a relationship like ours, it was never destined to break down that barrier. We've both changed; me more than you, understandably. Our thoughts, so often infused with that bit of childish innocence, lost out to the newer, more exciting world of adulthood.

I know I haven't been putting too much time to maintain our relationship. But you have to understand that I've been working long hours to support you, to support us. Our relationship has always been based on mutual understanding and love. You know me more than I know myself. I've invested so much time in the past, I feel that sting too. That sting of parting.

I don't know when but my feelings for you began to change. I used to find solace in your company, the hours we would just sit facing each other, talking about love, laughing over the silliest things. I knew that my every touch would give you pleasure beyond your wildest imaginations and in turn I could just unload everything on you. I loved you for no other reason than because I loved you.

Looking back at our love.

Then it became harder and harder to keep up with you. With more and more responsibilities piling up, I had to give up some time with you, just so I could keep up with my work and personal life. I'll admit that I have not been giving you all that you need, but it was also partly your fault. Your constant need for attention, your thirst to know more and the times you kept checking up on me. My inbox is full of the messages that you have left me. I don't want to sound harsh here, but that's definitely not normal behaviour.

But let bygones be bygones. It is with the heaviest of hearts that I write this post to declare that I can no longer keep up our relationship. We're better off not knowing each other, not being so invested in each others' lives. The pressure, the stress I had while I was with you, I can feel it all lifting, leaving, gone.

Perhaps it's for the better, for both you and I.

Goodbye, blog. Thank you for everything you have given me. You will always be my first love.


P.S: Let's only see each other on Mondays.

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