The Mystery of the RM17 Plain Water


I've written a lot about my friend, the Bugger Marcus in the past, and I honestly thought that his life as a working adult would lead to a shortage of blog posts about him, but I never knew how wrong I would be. In fact, this may be one of the best, and most absurd posts I will write about Bugger Marcus.

Recently, Bugger Marcus took a picture of a bottle of plain water and posted it up on Facebook.

He did not grow wings. 

Now, not many people take pictures of their plain water during dinners (that's reserved for everything else on the table) because there's nothing interesting about plain water. What was interesting about Bugger Marcus' bottle of plain water was its price tag; a hefty and absurd RM17. It's not sparkling water, mind you, it's plain ol' water.

So I had to get to the bottom of this mysterious RM17 water. What better way than to interview Bugger Marcus himself? I found him hard at work in his office, combing the hair of a recently deceased spirit with a lot of vengeance.


Marcus: What do you want?

Me: Why are you combing a ghost's hair?

Marcus: Can you not ask stupid questions? Why are you here in my office? Don't you have like a life to live?

Me: Not until I debunk the mystery of the RM17 water you just posted up on Facebook. I just want to know a few things about the ridiculously overpriced water.

Marcus: Not this nonsense again.

Me: So, where did you find such an expensive water? The house of a Tzar? The hilly slopes of the Himalayas? The back garden of the Buckingham Palace?

Marcus: The Apartment, KLCC.

Me: Whose apartment now?

Marcus: The Apartment. It's a restaurant in KLCC.

Me: I see. Figures. KLCC is where they like to rip off tourists and locals who are silly enough to venture there. The prices there are a wake-up splash. Tell me, how did the RM17 water taste like?

Marcus: I don't know. It tastes like water from heaven, I guess. Heavenly water.

Me: I think that's what we call rain.

Marcus: *pauses* NO...gah.

Me: Seriously, what does it taste like? Was it like gargling gold in your mouth? Swallowing a stream of silver-lined liquid? Dissolved diamonds?

Marcus: It...tasted like plain water.

Me: That's impossible. For RM17, I would expect the Pope to have personally blessed the water. Holy water, y'know. Like that hole in your wallet after you realize you paid actual money for something you get for free.

Marcus: Are you done here?

Me: Just a couple more questions. I did my research, and found out that Tau (the brand of water) actually means "silent water". What do you think about that?

Marcus: I...I don't know. What do you expect me to say?

Me: Nothing, because you're supposed to be speechless now. Geddit, geddit?

Marcus: Can we just end this now?

Me: Last question. How did it feel when you went to the toilet and realized that you were basically peeing money?

Marcus: What kind of question is that?!

Me: A legit one. Did it fill you with a sense of dread, or a deep seated sense of regret, or more of a hollow emptiness? You can choose more than one.

Marcus: I think I'm done here.

Me: The ghost's hair is still messy. Maybe she's a little wet around the ears.

Marcus: Security!


I jest. In all seriousness, the RM17 water really shocked me. I didn't know establishments were allowed to openly fleece money off people by charging them RM17 for a bottle of water. Still, what do I know? I boil my own water.


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