How To: Make Your Own Minions


The Minion craze has taken Malaysia by storm. If you don't know what a Minion is, or why it's taken Malaysia by storm, I suggest you poke your head out of your hobbit hole and head on down to the nearest 'magic station' to get a Facebook account. It's true. People (grown adults mind you!) are lining up in McDonald's just to get the cute little yellow buggers, and it's only a matter of time before someone finally snaps and starts a fight over the Minions. That'll officially be the stupidest thing people have fought over since you punched your brother for playing with the Ultraman toy too long.

It's becoming quite a serious issue too. Kids aren't getting their Minions toys (because they don't have money) while adults will eventually get bored and toss them aside, like what I did with all my McDonald's toys from the past. I mean, look at this picture circulating around. 

It's either the lady was grocery shopping and wandered into a McDonald's or she actually prepared herself to sweep up all the Minions in McDonald's, in a freaking trolley. I really hope this picture is faked, because who the hell can eat that much McDonald's Happy Meals and not just keel over and die from obesity? 

Because of this Minion craze, I've come up with a way where everyone can win. Why fight for Minions when you can make your own? Yes, that's right. Make your own Minion. It's easy, makes you considerably less angry at the world and I think it's quite cute too. 

Here's the final product. 

You'll need: A pair of scissors, glue, paper, a color printer, a banana and a lot of artistic talent (nah kidding, I have none either. High five!)

Not shown: Artistic talent.

Step 1: Go onto the Internet and find a picture of a Minion. I've attached one below for your easy reference, but if you want different facial expressions/number of eyes, you can go find it on the Internet.

Use this. 

Note: If you need help finding Minions on the Internet, please put down the pair of scissors and slowly step away, you Paleolithic creature! I kid, I kid. You can always use Google. If you don't know how to use Google, please immediately stab yourself with said pair of scissors. 

Step 2: Print the picture of your chosen Minion on a sheet of paper. You may have noticed that my Minion doesn't have color, because I don't have a color printer and it's 12 freaking AM now. Don't make the mistake I made and make sure you have a color printer nearby. Now, depending on the size and length of your banana, you'll need to judge for yourself how big of a Minion you'll want to print out. Remember, save the trees. 

Step 3: Simply cut out the Minion's GOGGLY EYES, MOUTH and OVERALLS. Everything YELLOW should be removed. I did not mean for that to sound racist in any way.

If you're below the age of 'child', please do ask your daddy and mommy for help cutting out the Minion parts. Also, don't play with scissors. 

Step 4: Make sure you have all your parts with you before continuing (you should have 3 parts: GOGGLE EYES, MOUTH and OVERALLS)

Numbered for your easy reference.

Now paste all parts on the banana you have prepared. Take careful note of how the Minion looks like originally and past the eyes, mouth and overalls accordingly. 

Roughly something like this. 

If you have less or more parts OR you have pasted the mouth above the eyes, you have done something wrong and should stab yourself with the scissors repeatedly.

Step 5: Show off your brand new Minion to your friends who don't have the artistic skill that you have. Here's my completed version, though it looks terrible because it's monochrome and ugly and disgusting. 

But look at all those jealous Minions from McDonald's behind it. Either that or they want the banana.

And that's why you need to ask your daddy and mommy to buy you a color printer, boys and girls. 

If you've followed all the steps above correctly, congratulations! You're ready to paint the town yellow! Now, go make yourself some Minions!


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