How I Got My 2048 Highscore


My finger swiped across the screen; left, right, right, left, up. The sound of jangling bells accompanied each swipe, a loud, reverberating clang echoed across the empty room. My soaked fingers left a glistening trail of sweat across the screen as my nerves began to fray. Swipeswipe. Swipe. Swipe.


I was playing the latest gaming fad to hit bored people who were looking for another game to take over the Flappy Bird-shaped hole in their hearts. 2048 is a deceptively simple game; all one has to do is swipe the screen in 4 directions and match numbers until they achieve the titular 2048. 2048 is so hard to get that one single mistake may cost you a thousand tries to even get anywhere near it.

It's the Sasquatch of numbers.


Why am I even playing this game? I hate numbers, I hate math and I hate puzzles. I hate multiplying anything that isn't money. I hate a game that requires me to use my brain for more than 10 seconds. I hate trying to figure out this nonsense. DAMMIT 2048 I HATE YOU SO MUCH PLEASE COME TO ME.


Okay. I'm digging myself into a grave of numbers. I knew a day would come when I would be able to say that. Hey Miss Chan, I TOLD YOU SO. MATH WILL KILL ME ONE DAY AND TODAY IS THAT DAY.


Swipeswipe. Swipe. Swipeswipe. Swipe. I don't know why I'm saying "swipe" out loud.


Holy cruds I did it. I finally got my elusive number. 2048.

I don't know what this feeling is called but I think it's something akin to a brain orgasm. Hours and hours sweaty, sweaty swiping up and down, up and down, left and right and finally 2048 came. Wow. That last sentence was just LOADED with sexual innuendo.


I can't believe it. I beat the game. I beat the game! I've never wanted to beat a game so hard as much as as I wanted to beat this one. "Oh yeah!", I yelled to no one in particular, "I am the king of numbers!"

"No you're not. You stole those screenshots from my Facebook." an indignant voice sounded through the computer screen. "Those are MY HIGH SCORES!"

"Play smart, not hard." I replied nonchalantly, settling back onto my swivel chair and swiveling away, because that's what you do when you own a swivel chair and want to win an argument.

"I'm going to throw my Shneep at you, you stupid person."

No spelling error. She literally spells it as Shneep. Elie Lam, ladies and gentlemen.

"Meh." I replied, pausing only slightly to let the hilariousness of my pun sink in. Man, I am SO good at this. Not that my pun worked on anyone. Elie was already back to her game, determined to go beyond 2048 because she's insane. Swipeswipeswipe. Swipe. Swipe.


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