How I Got My Flappy Bird Highscore


My finger tapped nervously, each tap reverberating across the room like hammer blows. Tap. Tap. Taptaptap. Taptap. Tap. My palms glistened with sweat, my finger leaving wet marks on the cool surface of the screen. My eyes were glued on a round blob with protruding lips and tiny flapping wings, as I navigated it through a maze of pipes. At the top, the numbers slowly piled up after each successful pipe was passed.


I was, of course, playing Flappy Bird, a hit game which has left more phone screens shattered than the cold hard pavement. The purpose of the game is to navigate a small bird which cannot fly on its own through a maze of Mario's pipes. Flappy Bird is one of the most addictive, yet frustrating games you will ever play on your phone. Ever.


My eyesight was blurring as all I saw were pipes and more pipes. The stupid bird was getting on my nerves because I needed to keep tapping to make sure it stayed afloat. I mean, it's a bird. With wings. And I still have to keep tapping to make sure it doesn't land facedown on the pavement. I haven't seen something so absurdly stupid since Peter Pan asked me to clap hard to save Tinkerbell.


I could feel my finger cramping up. The last time I did any fingering was when I was stroking my guitar, and that was almost a year ago. Gritting my teeth, I was determined to continue on with this absurd game, just because I had reached a point of no return. I continued tapping. Tap. Taptap. Tap.


"Argh!" I screamed in frustration as the stupid bird crashed into a pipe. I mean, I didn't even touch the stupid pipe, kinda more like brushed against it. But the bird was dead from the fall and I didn't have to care about it anymore. I quickly snapped a photo of my high score and posted it up on Instagram/Facebook/Twitter just so I could make everyone jealous of my high score.

"What is this nonsense?" Bugger Marcus asked, looking up from his game of Flappy Bird. "You just stole my high score and posted it on Instagram!?"

"Play smart, not hard." I replied, settling back into my cushioned chair and watched as the praises and exclamations of disbelief poured in through my various social media platforms. "Faster go get me a new high score."

Bugger Marcus stared incredulously at me for a few seconds. Resigned, he turned his gaze back on to the game in which he had dedicated his life to. Tap. Tap. Tap. Taptaptap. Tap. Tap.


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